So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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