Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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