either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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