Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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