Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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