Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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