You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
