you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
