I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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