Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
