READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize