If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
