youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
