I want to walk on stilts...naked
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I understand Curling. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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