there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize