Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
