You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
