Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
