Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
