I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She said her name was "party"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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