Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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