Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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