I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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