we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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