Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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