You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
