Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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