One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
