so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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