You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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