we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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