I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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