i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
