she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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