I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
