Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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