and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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