dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
