Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize