We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
