If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
