my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
