Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
