so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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