I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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