This girl is more easily done than said...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
