I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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