just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
