Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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