matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
