Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
