I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
