So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
