I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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