I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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