So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
