Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
