I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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