eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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