can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
