Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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