Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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