low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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