4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
