It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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