at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
