i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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