There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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