one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
