CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
should my penis look like a turkey
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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