Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize