he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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