I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize