How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fill condoms, not promises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
