she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
