i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
