I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
