her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
