then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
