We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
