Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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