like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
