I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
