I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
