What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
