Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
