It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there is puke in my bra ... again
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