If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
