Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
