That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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