K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
