The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
