hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
