We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
