I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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