when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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