My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
