Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
